15 Things I Wish I Had Known About Grief…. by Teryn Obrien


1. You will feel like the world has ended. I promise, it hasn’t. Life will go on, slowly. A new normal will come, slowly.

2. No matter how bad a day feels, it is only a day. When you go to sleep crying, you will wake up to a new day.

3. Grief comes in waves. You might be okay one hour, not okay the next. Okay one day, not okay the next day. Okay one month, not okay the next. Learn to go with the flow of what your heart and mind are feeling.

4. It’s okay to cry. Do it often. But it’s okay to laugh, too. Don’t feel guilty for feeling positive emotions even when dealing with loss.

5. Take care of yourself, even if you don’t feel like it. Eat healthily. Work out. Do the things you love. Remember that you are still living.

6. Don’t shut people out. Don’t cut yourself off from relationships. You will hurt yourself and others.

7. No one will respond perfectly to your grief. People–even people you love–will let you down. Friends you thought would be there won’t be there, and people you hardly know will reach out. Be prepared to give others grace. Be prepared to work through hurt and forgiveness at others’ reactions.

8. God will be there for you perfectly. He will never, ever let you down. He will let you scream, cry, and question. Throw all your emotions at Him. He is near to the brokenhearted.

9. Take time to truly remember the person you lost. Write about him or her, go back to all your memories with them, truly soak in all the good times you had with that person. It will help.

10. Facing the grief is better than running. Don’t hide from the pain. If you do, it will fester and grow and consume you.

11. You will ask “Why?” more times than you thought possible, but you may never get an answer. What helps is asking, “How? How can I live life more fully to honor my loved one? How can I love better, how can I embrace others, how can I change and grow because of this?”

12. You will try to escape grief by getting busy, busy, busy. You will think that if you don’t think about it, it’ll just go away. This isn’t really true. Take time to process and heal.

13. Liquor, sex, drugs, hobbies, work, relationships, etc., will not take the pain away. If you are using anything to try and numb the pain, it will make things worse in the long run. Seek help if you’re dealing with the sorrow in unhealthy ways.

14. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to need people. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.

15. Grief can be beautiful and deep and profound. Don’t be afraid of it. Walk alongside it. You may be surprised at what grief can teach you.

What are things you’ve learned about grief that you wish you’d known when your loss first happened?

About marysfarmreport

__From Yachts to Manure___... I have lived in a 9,000 square foot mansion in Piedmont, Ca. to homesteading a mobile home and living without running water or electricity for six months in Oroville, California. These are some tales of my adventures. From traveling the world with my Airline Executive late husband to , operating a Yacht Charter Business on San Francisco Bay as a widow with young children, to retiring to a Ranch in Oroville and raising horses and fancy pure bred dogs. Come join me on my adventures as I write this blog..
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8 Responses to 15 Things I Wish I Had Known About Grief…. by Teryn Obrien

  1. Angela gill says:

    You completely described me in this post. I list my husband on May 24th and each one of these things have gone through my mind.

    • Dear Angela,

      Please know that the pain lessens with time. If you will try to fill the emptiness with happy memories it helps. I have a new litter of puppies, half are already sold. Perhaps, it is finally time for you to make a trip over to my Ranch and visit. Nothing brings me more joy than watching young puppies and their antics. Call me if you would like to set up a time to come. 589-4450.
      Love,
      Mary

  2. angela says:

    Mary I just noticed your reply from December, wish I would have seen it then. I would have loved to come see your puppies. Puppies always make things look better. I do love seeing pics of your puppies. I want so bad to get one of your babies. Hopefully I will be able to do this soon.

    Angela

    • Dear Angela,
      The offer still stands. Give me a call when you would like to come and visit. I have two litters now several are sold. But, you can come and play.

      Love,
      Mary

      • Angela gill says:

        Mary, I would like to come to the ranch on Friday if you are available. I will give you a call tomorrow.
        Thanks so much
        Angela

  3. Give me a call and we will work out the time and directions.
    Love,
    Mary

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