Mary’s Farm Report May2010. Birthdays and mental illness.


Mary and beloved Mini-Schnauzers; Heidi and Radar


Dear Folks,
 

Life is good. I had a wonderful Birthday. On March 7th, I had my 70th Birthday. My Darling daughter Kay C. gave me a lovely dinner party at Cattlemans’ Steak House in Dixon. All the Grands and Great Grands and several family friends were there. The little ones ages one, two and three were perfectly behaved. Not one melt down! I was so proud of them. It was a magical evening. Not one flaw. So full of love and loving.
It was grand.
I find it ironic that I would live this long. I have suffered from clinical depression all my life. I remember having suicidal thoughts at the age of six. I have attempted suicide three times in my life. For any of you that have a loved one that has committed or attempted suicide, let me share my experiences with you… I wanted to die to end the pain. That is truly the only reason one attempts suicide. Not for revenge, not a cowards way out, not to get attention. {All reasons, I have heard given by people not suffering from this ailment.}
The Only reason is; “TO END THE PAIN”. Unless you have suffered from mental illness you cannot realize the pain of being in that black, bottomless pit of depression. I was hospitalized in my forties with a complete mental break down. Had several years of therapy and have been stabilized on Prozac now for 30 years.
Someone once said to me; “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”
That one phrase has saved my life several times. I have used it like a mantra. Feel free to pass it on. I am in good company with this ailment. Many brilliant, artistic over achievers have suffered with depression. Van Gogh, Einstein, Mozart, Leonardo Di Vinci and the list goes on. For many years before Prozac I would have three months of dark depression then three months of hyper manic activities and almost gleefulness. Some times I rather miss those manic highs. But, not enough to trade off taking my meds and having to deal with the debilitating depression.
I share this information with you because for many years it was an embarrassment and shameful subject to admit one suffered from mental illness. I remember my Mother sweeping my problems away with the statement; “Don’t be so sensitive! Take a hot bath and an aspirin and you will be fine in the morning”. Implying that if I was not, she did not want to hear anymore about it. I remember my daughter divulging the information that I had been: ” In the nut house”. Implying, because of that, devalued any and all of me. If I had been a cancer victim or even an addict and had managed my disease as well as I have my mental illness I would be considered a success or even a hero. Talking about it, I hope will have the same affect eventually that talking about Aids has had. This disease needs to come out of the closet. I am an example that one can live a productive life. AGE 70! Hallelujah!
I am so glad I am alive and living my wonderful life. I am surrounded by love. My dogs, horses and cats are so expressive with their love. Ahhh come on!! It is not just the fact that I am their food source. They truly do love me. They vie for my attention. I rotate the dogs on my bed each night so each gets a turn to sleep on “Moms’ bed.”
Right now I have a litter of Havanese puppies. They are so wonderful. Four girls and two boys. I have three sold already. They will be ready to go home on May 18th. They sell for $1,500. What recession???
I just moved them from my bedroom to the living room in the big kennel. I have been giving them Cream of Wheat mixed with powered goats milk. I put it in a puppy dish. Which has a moat in the center surrounded by a well. The puppies think it is a spa. They treat it like a mud bath. Whallering in it. Which makes them very sticky. Poor Carmelita goes in to nurse them and comes out all sticky as well. She is getting rather annoyed with all the baths I am giving her. She is a very proud Mom and gives her pups excellent care. I swear this is one of the most perfect litters we have ever had.. {Ron says I say this about each new litter}. I really am pleased with these little ones. Great markings and starting to show wonderful personalities. Soooo, cute.
My wonderful Black Mini-Schnauzer; “Rosita Negra” {Black Rose} is due to have a litter May16th. I bred her with my super stud, Black and Silver Regal Radar. I already have two people wanting to send deposits. I don’t like accepting deposits before they are born. But, on the other hand these Schnauzers sell so fast that if they want one it behooves them to get in the cue.
I traded my horse arena to a contractor to finish off my kitchen. No, Ron did not get it finished by Thanksgiving. I had threatened to hire it done if he didn’t finish it. He is really quite re leaved to have it get done. I am putting in a big Garden window on the south end of the kitchen which will allow me to grow fresh herbs. I have been acquiring stainless steel counters to line all the walls and have an eight foot chopping block table to run down the center. I will have the space to bring out all my cooking equipment and gadgets. It will truly be a “Cooks’ Kitchen”. I am so excited.
Next we will put in the hot tub that I bought from Sharon when she closed out her Spa and Billiard Store a couple of years ago. We always seem to have a project going. I love the idea that my wonderful Ron will have the ability to relax in the hot tub just out side my kitchen door, so I can serve him ice tea as he listens to the chickens chirping, the horses whinning and the dogs…. barking? What is wrong with this tranquil picture? Oh, right! No dogs barking! Music waifing with the country breeze. That’s better!
Well, the writer in me is taking over and I am waxing on and on.. So, time to bring this Farm Report to a close. We did not make our Cruise this year. We have that to look forward to next year, perhaps. I have not heard anything from 20th Century Fox on my Movie Script. But am told that it often takes ten years for these scripts to surface to the top of the pile. I hope I have another ten years. I want to be able to see my; “Floating Fantasy” on the big screen. It could happen. Great and wonderful things have happened to me in my life. Like Peter Pan…”I Believe”.
Hug your loved ones, tell them you love them. Speak kindly and use your best manners when communicating with those you love. Don’t save that for strangers.
Love,

Mary

 

About marysfarmreport

__From Yachts to Manure___... I have lived in a 9,000 square foot mansion in Piedmont, Ca. to homesteading a mobile home and living without running water or electricity for six months in Oroville, California. These are some tales of my adventures. From traveling the world with my Airline Executive late husband to , operating a Yacht Charter Business on San Francisco Bay as a widow with young children, to retiring to a Ranch in Oroville and raising horses and fancy pure bred dogs. Come join me on my adventures as I write this blog..
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Mary’s Farm Report May2010. Birthdays and mental illness.

  1. Need to use the larger type for us with old eyes……..

  2. mistic420 says:

    Its been a real pleasure reading these posts. And even a bigger pleasure having to met you.

  3. Marisa says:

    I have enjoyed all your posts – the one about Esperate was very moving. I would love to see your large family some day when I can drive north of San Francisco. Please take care.Marisa

  4. Ione says:

    Mary, I love reading your posts, you are truly a remarkable and loving person. We are so blessed to be able to enjoy reading about your adventures and wisdom that life brings. We purchased a Mini Schnauzer puppy from you 2 years ago, and Mikey is the smartest, sweetest, most spoiled dog that we have ever owned. We are so lucky to have met you, and brought Mikey into our lives.
    Love, luck, and happiness,
    Ione & John

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s